How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.

Notice for Laboratory: Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Don't blame me. I'm only doing what my Rice Crispies told me to do.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

Is it an attitude problem, or a perception problem.